if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so let's talk penis.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
