You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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