She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
