I CAN MOONWALK!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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