My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
