I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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