I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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