gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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