i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
