I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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