did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
