she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
