God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
