good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
