she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
