Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
