his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
