Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
