Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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