How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
