is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
