Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
whose ass print is on the piano?
Can I color on your dick again?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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