You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
