Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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