My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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