I cannot find my penis.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't deserve a penis
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
