You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i dont even know how to be here
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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