dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
