Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think people are normalizing furries
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
