Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
