Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
