what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He has the fingertips of a God
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