my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
