summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
50% drunk capacity currently
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
