I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
