Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He is an equal opportunity slut.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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