Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
