This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
