you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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