I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
