His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
