the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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