I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
