God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
