I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
