What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
