I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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