i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
