I puked a lego.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
