I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
