what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
