Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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