a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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