turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
