it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
