I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
