I skipped work to stalk him.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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