If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
