Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
