ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
